did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
