my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
