Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
