Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
