dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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