I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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