I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
