Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
