bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
