all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
