We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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