I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
