i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize