The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
