you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
