What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Randomize
