Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
