If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
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