I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
