Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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