C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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