weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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