You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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