Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
