i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
