2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
