Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
