i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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