I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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