I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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