I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
