i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
