If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
