I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
