Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
