I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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