just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Actions speak louder than pants.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
