Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
