i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
