Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
