You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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