There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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