Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
