There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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