Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
