Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
