I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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