I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
