there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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