Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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