I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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