ugly people sure do ruin things
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
