therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize