I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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