I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
