i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
