I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
