he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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