haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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