there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
