So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
