you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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