But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I bet he comes in French.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
