just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
