told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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