I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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