Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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