Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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