She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
