I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
