bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
