How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
