i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
