Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
