when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
