and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize