Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
