Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
