So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
