You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
