That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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