dude i'm inner monologue high
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
