Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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