i just wanna soil my oats bro
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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