imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
