You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize