I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
