jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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